162.6

Not as good as I would have liked to lose this week but I did lose 1.6 lbs. I went to the gym 5 times this week so I really thought it would be more substantial than that but I'll still take it as a small step down. I actually like running now. I ran for thirty minutes without stopping which amounted to 2.5 miles. Felt great. Life has been hectic for me. Finals are next week and I am so behind. My house is still a mess but I'll work on it this weekend. I hope next week I'll atleast lose 2 lbs. I would be so happy.

starting weight: 180
Week 1: 173.8 -6.2
Week 2: 172.6 -1.2
Week 3: 171.8 -.8
Week 4: 171 -.8
Week 5: 169.6 -1.4
Week 6: 166.4 -3.2
Week 7: 166.6 +.2 Bummer
Week 8: 164.2 -2.4
Week 9: 162.6 -1.6
Total lost: -17.4

164.2

Things have been good. i have just been busy with all the holidays and celebrations. I gained for the first time and it really didn't upset me much because i knew it would keep me motivated throughout the thanksgiving week. It did too. I lost 2.4 this week and feel like a million bucks. Clothes don't fit me and everyone is noticing my weight loss. The biggest change is in the guys that have been flirting with me. I never had that at 180 + pounds. I'm getting there. Mentally I know things have to change. I am so lazy, my house is a mess, my kid needs a bath more than once every three days. I need to find a balance and not just with my weight. I'm such a negative sad person. It's not ok anymore! I'm going to go through my house and throw everything away that isn't necessary. I'm going to bathe my poor daughter, and her and I ...we are going to go out and do more things together.
on a different note; I have been lifting weights at the gym and running afterwords. I love it and I hope I continue to love it. i'm aiming for just 3 days a week. Kelcy and I have a bike now and I am going to start riding her around the neighborhood. Great fun!

starting weight: 180
Week 1: 173.8 -6.2
Week 2: 172.6 -1.2
Week 3: 171.8 -.8
Week 4: 171 -.8
Week 5: 169.6 -1.4
Week 6: 166.4 -3.2
Week 7: 166.6 +.2 Bummer
Week 8: 164.2 -2.4
Total lost: -15.8

down to 166.4!

I haven't been down to this weight in two years. I don't feel like I've lost weight yet but I keep trucking. I bought a new outfit yesterday that is a size 12 pants and actually fits me. The shirt was a small but i don't see how that size fit. Usually I would be in a larger size due to my bust. As soon as i put the outfit on people started noticing my weight loss. My daughter's daycare was the first to say "my goodness are you losing weight?" it's a very good feeling. My aunt noticed as well as her friend. My cousin told me I look awesome. I'm loving it! I knew I could do this I just had to try harder. My newest obsession is eating at Applebees because they have yummy weight watcher friendly meals. Also light popcorn with a tablespoon of chocolate chips thrown in....I didn't have any clue what I could actually eat! oh and on a side note....Yesterday I was officially accepted into California State University, Chico!


starting weight: 180
Week one: 173.8 -6.2
Week two: 172.6 -1.2
Week three: 171.8 -.8
Week four: 171 -.8
Week five: 169.6 -1.4
Week six: 166.4 -3.2
Total lost: -13.6

I'm 169.6

Time is flying and I am realizing that this is working. I don't have to deprive myself! So foreign to lose weight and do it when I don't feel like I'm ever hungry. I didn't know it was possible. I am now a size 14 but they are very lose so we will see. I can't wait for the moment i fit into a size 10. Nobody has noticed yet but I'm not focusing on that. This time is different. I'm not doing this to impress a man or to find a man. I'm doing this to look and feel better. Not to sound Cheesy but Weight Watchers is saving my life moment by moment step by step.

starting weight: 180
Week one: 173.8 -6.2
Week two: 172.6 -1.2
Week three: 171.8 -.8
Week four: 171 -.8
Week five: 169.6 -1.4
Total lost: -10.4

172.6 good enough!

so I lost 1.2 lbs for my second week. Surprisingly enough...I'm not disappointed by that number. A loss is a loss. I could be gaining 1.2 lbs but no....I lost 1.2 lbs. On to week three!

starting weight: 180
Week one: 173.8 -6.2
Week two: 172.6 -1.2
Total lost: -7.4

weigh in #1

i'm down 6.2 lbs. Now that feels nice to say! i may actually be able to do this program and stick with it. I don't feel like I've been dieting at all. So strange. I encourage anyone having trouble losing weight to give weight watchers a shot. I'm hoping for a two pound loss next week but i'll try and be happy with any loss i can get.

starting weight: 180
Week one: 173.8 -6.2

weight watchers on 10/08/2009

So I finally decided I can't do it alone. on 10/08/2009 I officially joined weight watchers. I paid for two months so I better use it right? I am amazed at how easy it is for me to track everything. It's what I was dreading but so far so good. I replaced everything in my cupboards and fridge with fat free or light. Maybe the taste will become second nature, and maybe not! I put a cute little fruit bowl on the counter with oranges, apples, and bananas. Yesterday my sister ordered chinese food and ate right in front of me. I got out my apple, and my orange and ate them both so that I wouldn't have that hungry feeling while sitting there watching her eat. Man it looked good. But i was good. my weigh in with WW is this Thursday. They weighed me in at 180.2. I had heavy clothes on but still MAN :( I was sad.

Kelcy is finally done teething which marks the end of her babydom. She's two now. She is completely potty trained. She talks in sentences where did my baby go? She's been replaced by a two year old monster/heathen/barbarian/angel. She's still my life and probably always will be.

letter to myself

Please don't do this. Don't self destruct. Please give yourself (me) a chance. Why do you eat when you're not hungry? What is your fucking deal? why do you eat out when you know you can eat at home? why do you eat past that full feeling? Don't you care about me at all? If you did you wouldn't do this! Please try harder. Don't let that boy make you feel insignificant and unworthy. You are important regardless of how he feels about you. Is it the number on the scale that sets you on this path? It always seems to be that number that makes you start eating crappy again. Please work on this and get back to me....thanks.

177.....yeay

well it's slow progress but it's progress! I stopped dieting for a while, stopped taking xenadrine and realized something....I didn't feel like over eating. I don't know what has changed all I know is that i'm content not over eating. I'm back on the whole eating just good stuff gig and will see how I do but I am excited I went a whole week without being controlled by food. Now that is something!

I need to get to the bottom of it all

I thought about it a lot last night while trying to sleep. Why am I so negative. Why do I punish myself with food? What really started it? I can't figure it out. I went into a foster home when I was 11 and was skinny up until that point. i don't think the trauma of being put into a foster home was what caused me to hate myself. I think it was just puberty and the things my foster parents would say to me that triggered my self hate. I remember wanting seconds at the dinner table and they would tease me about it (not in a friendly way) they'd say things like "you're starting to get a pudgy little tummy" its funny because I was still really skinny but I started to see myself as fat and unworthy. It's crazy to me that when I really think about it, it's not the fact that my life was so messed up at an early age that screwed my emotions up, but something a foster parent did to change my outlook. In fact amidst all the craziness in my childhood, I still loved myself up until that point. I didn't eat just to eat back then. It wasn't my greatest pleasure. I have a messed up view when it comes to food. It's sort of become my comfort (what makes me happy) maybe because I didn't have a person to comfort me back then I turned to food. I need to figure out how to change this. I'll never keep the weight off if I can't figure out why I put it on in the first place.


Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action.
everyone wants happiness, no one wants suffering. And happiness mainly comes from our own attitude, rather than from external factors.

18-2=size 16 yeah baby!

I'm down to a size 16 in pants! When I started on 9/08 I was in a size 18. It's not huge but it's definitely encouraging. I can't wait for size 14 to come along. Yes I am guilty of jumping baby steps. I've gone to the gym twice this week and plan on going again today. I am doing so well. Atleast i'm finally using my gym membership again. No one has come right out and said it looks like I've lost weight yet. I can't wait to hear it for the first time. It always spurs you on further to hear it. I am realizing that eventually I will need to start working on my bad habits instead of just taking Xenadrine. I want to eventually stop taking them and work on changing really bad habits. Just going to the gym is breaking one habit. For the first time in a long time I am proud of myself.


Rome wasn't built in a day.
Success is a journey, not a destination. For now I'll focus on the process.
You get whatever you settle for.

Today is going really well....not just in terms of weight loss. My daughter is two and believe it or not she's not acting two today. Today she is my little cuddle monkey. I get sad sometimes thinking about how little time we spend together ( I am in college from 9-4 every weekday) but I know that it's going to make for a better life in the future for her and me. Anyway good luck to everyone today.

why yes I am losing weight!

it's so exciting to know it's really happening for me. I am really losing weight and mostly in my pudgy tummy. It's like winning the fat lottery. Now don't get me wrong, I know I have lost atleast 5 lbs but i will not weigh myself until i know for sure that I am out of the 170's. Why? Because that is the weight that when I see it on the scale...it freaks me out and I start sabotaging myself. I don't want to do that. instead I am just measuring my waist to make sure I'm losing. Sure enough I have gone from 40 inches (gasp) to 38 inches. now that is something. What am i doing to shed the lbs? I'm eating what I want but less of it. For snacks I'm eating fruit like apples peaches and grapes. Yesterday I went to the gym and burned 200 calories. I only ran for maybe 20 minutes. Eventually I want to work my way up to running off 250 calories then going to the nautilus equipment and doing a few reps to help maintain muscle. I have always been an over indulgent eater so i am taking xenadrine to help curb my appetite, and because i don't want to lose nutrients I am also taking a multi-vitamin called Woman's Ultra Mega. Both give me worlds of energy and I couldn't be happier. I am guessing I weigh around 178 but who knows.

No food could ever taste as good as being fit feels.
No one will love you until you can love yourself.
You see things; and you say "Why?" But I dream things that never were; and I say "Why not?"

186 lbs but I can do this and I will

so I decided against weight watchers mainly because I can't afford to pay for the meetings. Instead I am just eating less, taking in more water and for snacking I am eating fruit. I officially started on 8/8/2009 so we will see. Somethings I have realized: i am in hiding, because i am bigger than I would like to be I have been hiding in my home, not doing anything that I would like to be doing. I have been avoiding the guy I am attracted to because i feel like there is no way he would be attracted to me. Why can't i just love myself? I am trying but it's not easy. I always try dieting, I give it like a week and expect to see big results like 10-15 lbs. I'm realizing I'm not being realistic so i am doing this different. I am only going to weigh myself once a week and I'm only going to with for a 2 lbs weight loss per week. I'll be ok with 1 lb. I have to be. 1 lb is better than no lbs or worse yet, a gain.

If you overindulge you start to bulge.
Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels.
Weight loss starts in the mind not the mouth.

goal....be 178 by 10/6/09
goal2...be 170 by 11/03/09
goal3...be 162 by 12/1/09

If it doesn't happen this fast....who cares it will still eventually happen if I keep working at it.

My goodness...take a few days or in my case, months off and watch the blimp grow. I am now gaining weight and completely sad about it. I have (in every way possible) done this to myself. Today i am going to again try weight watchers. I am really going to give this an effort. I am worth this. I am allotted 23 points for whatever I want to eat so here goes.