172.6 good enough!

so I lost 1.2 lbs for my second week. Surprisingly enough...I'm not disappointed by that number. A loss is a loss. I could be gaining 1.2 lbs but no....I lost 1.2 lbs. On to week three!

starting weight: 180
Week one: 173.8 -6.2
Week two: 172.6 -1.2
Total lost: -7.4

weigh in #1

i'm down 6.2 lbs. Now that feels nice to say! i may actually be able to do this program and stick with it. I don't feel like I've been dieting at all. So strange. I encourage anyone having trouble losing weight to give weight watchers a shot. I'm hoping for a two pound loss next week but i'll try and be happy with any loss i can get.

starting weight: 180
Week one: 173.8 -6.2

weight watchers on 10/08/2009

So I finally decided I can't do it alone. on 10/08/2009 I officially joined weight watchers. I paid for two months so I better use it right? I am amazed at how easy it is for me to track everything. It's what I was dreading but so far so good. I replaced everything in my cupboards and fridge with fat free or light. Maybe the taste will become second nature, and maybe not! I put a cute little fruit bowl on the counter with oranges, apples, and bananas. Yesterday my sister ordered chinese food and ate right in front of me. I got out my apple, and my orange and ate them both so that I wouldn't have that hungry feeling while sitting there watching her eat. Man it looked good. But i was good. my weigh in with WW is this Thursday. They weighed me in at 180.2. I had heavy clothes on but still MAN :( I was sad.

Kelcy is finally done teething which marks the end of her babydom. She's two now. She is completely potty trained. She talks in sentences where did my baby go? She's been replaced by a two year old monster/heathen/barbarian/angel. She's still my life and probably always will be.

letter to myself

Please don't do this. Don't self destruct. Please give yourself (me) a chance. Why do you eat when you're not hungry? What is your fucking deal? why do you eat out when you know you can eat at home? why do you eat past that full feeling? Don't you care about me at all? If you did you wouldn't do this! Please try harder. Don't let that boy make you feel insignificant and unworthy. You are important regardless of how he feels about you. Is it the number on the scale that sets you on this path? It always seems to be that number that makes you start eating crappy again. Please work on this and get back to me....thanks.

177.....yeay

well it's slow progress but it's progress! I stopped dieting for a while, stopped taking xenadrine and realized something....I didn't feel like over eating. I don't know what has changed all I know is that i'm content not over eating. I'm back on the whole eating just good stuff gig and will see how I do but I am excited I went a whole week without being controlled by food. Now that is something!

I need to get to the bottom of it all

I thought about it a lot last night while trying to sleep. Why am I so negative. Why do I punish myself with food? What really started it? I can't figure it out. I went into a foster home when I was 11 and was skinny up until that point. i don't think the trauma of being put into a foster home was what caused me to hate myself. I think it was just puberty and the things my foster parents would say to me that triggered my self hate. I remember wanting seconds at the dinner table and they would tease me about it (not in a friendly way) they'd say things like "you're starting to get a pudgy little tummy" its funny because I was still really skinny but I started to see myself as fat and unworthy. It's crazy to me that when I really think about it, it's not the fact that my life was so messed up at an early age that screwed my emotions up, but something a foster parent did to change my outlook. In fact amidst all the craziness in my childhood, I still loved myself up until that point. I didn't eat just to eat back then. It wasn't my greatest pleasure. I have a messed up view when it comes to food. It's sort of become my comfort (what makes me happy) maybe because I didn't have a person to comfort me back then I turned to food. I need to figure out how to change this. I'll never keep the weight off if I can't figure out why I put it on in the first place.


Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action.
everyone wants happiness, no one wants suffering. And happiness mainly comes from our own attitude, rather than from external factors.

18-2=size 16 yeah baby!

I'm down to a size 16 in pants! When I started on 9/08 I was in a size 18. It's not huge but it's definitely encouraging. I can't wait for size 14 to come along. Yes I am guilty of jumping baby steps. I've gone to the gym twice this week and plan on going again today. I am doing so well. Atleast i'm finally using my gym membership again. No one has come right out and said it looks like I've lost weight yet. I can't wait to hear it for the first time. It always spurs you on further to hear it. I am realizing that eventually I will need to start working on my bad habits instead of just taking Xenadrine. I want to eventually stop taking them and work on changing really bad habits. Just going to the gym is breaking one habit. For the first time in a long time I am proud of myself.


Rome wasn't built in a day.
Success is a journey, not a destination. For now I'll focus on the process.
You get whatever you settle for.