Thursday, April 17, 2008

Weight 176 lbs left 56

so life is life and I've been lazy. I haven't updated in a long while... It's taking me a longer time than I thought it would in order to lose this weight. I hardly lose more than two pounds a week and lately it seems like way less than that. But I'm optimistic because the scale is finally going down again. I need to get back into exercises...I have let it slip up a little bit. I am still the old me obviously! But I can still do this! I have doing something stupid lately. I have been looking online at the pro anorexia sites...not becasue I'm anorexic...duh that's a hell of a lot of weight difference between me and an anorexic! I've been going to these sites because I want to be thin and the pictures really trigger me to stay on track. Not the ones where all you see is bones...that's just kind of gruesome! I feel bad for even going to these sites. I haven't told anyone why I got out of the military...Not a single person, the crazy thing is that nobody even asks me why I got out early or how...maybe that's because no one in my life really cares. But here's the secret I have been hiding from everyone that knows me...I got kicked out of the military for having an Eating disorder. i didn't get out because I had a baby...she saved me from my eating disorder by the way. I didn't get out because they were letting people go early, and I didn't get out because of my hypoglycemia. Now the world knows it; well maybe not the world because no one I know reads this blog anyway. I do believe that i gained so much weight from being pregnant because I started eating more in order for my daughter to have a fighting chance. In the meantime my body started storing all those extra calories....oh great right? I'm not trying to be so unoptimistic but damn it I am down today! I also want to emphasis that I am not losing this weight in an unhealthy way. I eat right and reap the benefits. I don't starve myself and I don't vomit what I eat up. I am not practicing my ED in any way. I want to be 120 already!

SW: 199

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